at home in the clouds

Regina Spektor

(via likeneelyohara)

Today when I looked in the mirror I didn’t recognize myself. It wasn’t that I looked different physically, maybe a little older and with longer hair. It was my demeanor and something deeper than just how I am but the actual journey it took to get there. Things are so different, I have changed so much. It’s funny how much life can transform you, it’s nasty and beautiful at the same time. You start out naive, not knowing the true meaning of broken dream and hearts. But then life gets to us, not all at once, it comes on slowly. At first it all feels so right like everything you ever dreamed for came true, though in the next moment life grabs it from under you. The fights, depression, anxiety, work, missed assignments, failing grades, wasted efforts, unfaithful friends, cheating boyfriends, pain, manipulation, degrading words, unhealthy relationships, hurtful actions, stalkers, hypercritical Christians, tears, fear, excessive naps, indifference, death, judgments, anger, being taken advantage of, selfish intentions, a pack of cigarettes, a bowl, vodka, parties, lying, brokenness. I’m not the sweet innocent girl I once was, life changed me and made me ugly on the inside. But somehow I feel like it’s redeeming itself, and life is turning me into something beautiful once again. I still look in the mirror and see the pain and the scars of life, but then I look just a little further and see where I am today. How much I have grown from life’s nasty blows, how much better I am because of them. Things feel almost like they are right again, I’m happy and actually feel good about myself. However, I have a fear, once things start getting good and you are finally happy, life comes at you, and it breaks you down again. We learn to persevere through the hard times, I guess this is how we are supposed to grow. I hope though that life waits a bit to screw me over, because I like who I’m becoming and the direction my life is taking even when I don’t know where I’m going or what’s even happening. That’s the beauty of it, I wont know, but what I do know is that every journey in life has it’s effect. And even if it breaks you down and crushes you down, it will eventually make you beautiful if you let it. Kind of like a diamond, its beauty is formed by the intense pressure put on it.

Cemetery - Say Anything

inmyskin:

Ah, Starbucks!

brokenmachine:

iwantmybearsuit\mentalillness:selfdistruct:underdressed:narwhalwhales

heyfriday:

(via loveyourchaos)

My English professor told us to write down 25 random words, anything that comes to mind. Then we tore out each word and crumpled them all up, and picked 20 words out of the pile and taped them on a page in the order we pulled them out. Without changing the words or the order, we had to write a poem around the words. This is supposed to reveal something about us. I’m not sure what mine reveals… The bold words are my random 20.

A Disaster

I sat, distant from the world,
And let the darkness engulf around me
The silence as thin as paper
Became illusions and dreams
But will shatter when the birds sing
And when the leaves will fall
Sensing the arrival of winter and spring
Being spontaneous
I will jump out the window
Desperate to get out of the sick world around me
Whose only worry is with the rain
The travels of their ideals
Are the suspects of delicate murder
And in their rush to perfection
No one will notice when the morning overcomes the night
No one but my abstract mind
Which to them is perceived a disaster.

lovebot:

hit-or-miss: (via gatekeeper)

I was sitting on my desk chair doing some homework, when
I leaned back against the chair and felt it start to tip backwards.
I panicked thinking I was going to fall over,
but then the chair stopped rolling back and I realized that the chair was
in fact a rocking chair.

This got me thinking, my experience with the chair is something
similar to my experience with life right now.

In everyday life there is something that makes you lean back,                                  
but you don’t realize how far you actually lean
and in a split second you are falling
the feeling is exhilarating and exciting
so much that you’re heart is pounding
and fills your whole body.

But, it’s also scary because you don’t know if you will actually fall,
and if you do fall will the chair catch you?